Kennebunkport #2 Lobster Roll: The Boathouse

Procrastination: the action of delaying or postponing something. 

I am a master of procrastination. Mostly it occurs when I'm not exactly excited about doing something and in this case, I have very little love for the lobster roll you're about the read about. This is by far a record for the longest delay in posting a review - I ate this lobster roll on December 6, 2018 – over FIVE months ago! I'm not saying I've gone this long without actually consuming a lobster roll, but over the winter I tend to frequent proven establishments like Bite Into Maine.

So back to the roll at hand. Last December, our holiday luncheon for work took place at The Boathouse in Kennebunkport, Maine. The Boathouse is a waterfront hotel and restaurant located on the banks of the Kennebunk River. It's a bright and sunny spot with super views. I honestly wouldn't mind going back and trying something else on the menu because, you guessed it, I wasn't impressed with their lobster roll.

The Lobster Roll
Mayo, lemon, chive, New England roll
$28

Like many I've disliked, at first glance, it looked so yummy. Lettuce-less and full of lightly mayo'd lobster, I happily dove in. And unhappily forced myself to finish... The main problem with this lobster roll was the temperature of the meat – it was ICE cold. So cold that it gave the lobster a slimy texture that did not work for me.

I honestly never in my life thought I would have complaints on the temperature of lobster meat. It didn't necessarily taste frozen, but it appeared that were keeping the crustacean on ice... lots and lots of ice. When I think back, I kind of roll my eyes at myself because holy crap, am I that much of a lobster snob that I need to have it at an optimum temperature to not bitch and whine about it? I was so distracted by it that I didn't even really grumble about the bready roll which I also sort of hated.

Also, can we just talk about the price? You've got to be pretty full of yourself to charge $28 for a mediocre lobster roll. Geez, even Red's Eats doesn't charge that much and if you've been there, you know what I'm talking 'bout. I now direct my eye-rolling at the person who sets the pricing on this menu. It was a rare occasion that I would've been happy for a "Market Price" tag.

Now that spring is here, expect to see more here on the blog. And hopefully, I'll have some kick-ass lobster rolls this season that blow my socks off! As per usual, if you have a favorite I should add to my list, let me know!

Cornish Lobster Roll: Bay Haven Lobster Pound

I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I've had too many lobster rolls. Maybe I've had too many sub-par lobster rolls. Whatever it is, it's starting to get me down. I'm in need of a winning streak – and every time I have a less than stellar lobster roll, I have to go somewhere I know I'm going to always get a good one – like a cleanse.

You might think... how hard could it be? Cook the lobster, pick the lobster, put picked lobster on a grilled hot dog roll and voila, it's done. Well, I can attest that the lobster roll is a complicated friggin' art form. It's not as easy as it looks and not everyone can do it. Case in point - Bay Haven Lobster Pound in Cornish, Maine.

I know what you're thinking – it's my own damn fault for traveling to Cornish for a lobster roll – but we've heard things about this restaurant from many people. The food supposedly good and plentiful. Plentiful, yes... good, well, that's debatable. I had high hopes for this roll because it was only $14. Practically free!

But alas, as soon as it arrived in front of me I knew it was going to be a dud. That piece of lettuce was wedged in there so tightly, there was no removing it without dismantling the entire roll. And while the lobster didn't taste bad exactly, the pieces were too big and chewy and we all know how I feel about having to gnaw off bites of my lobster like a damn wolverine. The only thing they got right was the toasted bun.

In addition to the lobster roll, I also gave their lobster stew a try. This is my second favorite lobster dish to try everywhere I go. The standard is high considering I haven't found anyone to even come close to the deliciousness of a piping hot bowl of DiMillo's lobster stew. And Bay Haven fell short. The broth was bland, lacking the buttery goodness of the stew champion. The lobster was almost all claw meat and tasted slightly overdone.

All in all, the trip to Cornish was pretty disappointing. The other members of my party weren't overly impressed with their meals either. Oh well... you win some, you lose some. Just seems like I've been on the losing end quite a bit this year.

Bernard Lobster Roll: Thurston's Lobster Pound

It's a raw and crummy day so let's reminisce about nicer weather back in September when I was lucky enough to dine at Thurston's Lobster Pound in Bernard, Maine. If you're not familiar with Bernard, it's just south of Acadia National Park on the opposite side of Bass Harbor.

We had never heard of Thurston's and it was definitely not on our radar for someplace to eat during this trip. But in our search for sustenance, this one kept popping up on the interwebs so what the hell... What the hell, indeed! When we pulled into the parking lot at 5:30pm, there was already a line way out the door. I think that's a sign of good food so we didn't mind waiting.

While we waited outside, it was fun to see the employees pop out to the back steamer and throw in numbered bags filled with lobster and steamers and corn. But I already had my eye on the lobster roll. Weird, right? I ordered the Jumbo Lobster Roll for $24.49 – filled to the brim with our famously fresh, handpicked lobster meat. We lightly toss those claws, tails, and knuckles with mayo and pile them on a grilled bun with a bed of lettuce. No fancy stuff necessary. Available in two sizes. (Don't forget a fork for the big one.)

At first glance, I was a little disappointed in the roll vs. lobster ratio (and I definitely wasn't going to need that fork.) The roll looked gigantic and it seemed that maybe there could've been just a little more meat – I'm a fan of the overflowing lobster roll. I also don't appreciate it when the ends of the bun are naked. And the lettuce (ugh)... at least that was easy enough to pluck out.

When I finally took a bite, I was surprisingly pleased. The meat was sweet, salty and tender, with bite-sized pieces, very little mayo and a nicely toasted bun. It came with chips too. I do think it could have been more "jumbo" then it was.

All in all, this was a pretty cool place right on Bass Harbor. (They also serve wine and beer.) But if you're interested in giving it a try, you'll have to wait until the spring – they're now closed for the winter. Maybe if I wasn't a lazy asshole, I could've gotten the review written before the snow fell.

Stonington Lobster Roll: Stonecutters Kitchen

Geez, I almost forgot about writing about my most recent lobster rolls... which at this point, were a month ago. But that's what happens to my brain in October when the Red Sox are pounding their way through postseason opponents... I forget things.

In September, we took a trip up to the beautiful boat building burg of Brooklin, Maine. It's one of those peninsulas that I had never been to so we made the most of the surrounding areas like Deer Isle, Stonington, and Blue Hill. It's an absolutely magnificent area and if the internet was a tad more reliable, I could see myself living up there.

I had already picked our lunch spot for the first day – a little place in Penobscot called Bagaduce Lunch. I've read about it on "best lobster roll" lists and heard it was really good. Guess what? It was closed. I nearly murdered everyone in the car! So then I thought we could go to the Stonington Ice Cream Company – another place recommended for their lobster rolls – but I was overruled due to their limited menu. Dumb. 😡😡😡

Alas... we ended up at a place on the water called Stonecutters Kitchen & Harbor View Store. It's a restaurant and convenience store all rolled into one. I ordered the lobster roll. Surprise, surprise. I got The Classic Lobster Roll served with chips and a pickle for Market Price which was just a mere $14. At first glance, I found it mildly disappointing. It appeared small and skimpy. But I will say it tasted pretty good – I just needed two of them. Maybe three. The meat was sweet and tender, tossed lightly with mayo, and the bun was toasted nicely. Other than the size, it was a pretty ok roll.

I'm not going to rush back to this restaurant but I would love to go back to Deer Isle and Stonington again to try some of the other lobster rolls this place has to offer. I'm guessing I'm missing out on some real tasty secrets!

Potato Chip Lobster Roll?: Lay's New England Lobster Roll

Lay's Potato Chips released eight new temporary chip flavors as this past summer in an effort to highlight the local cuisine of regions around the country – a promotion called Taste of America. The eight flavors were available in stores regionally for a short time – Chesapeake Bay Crab Spice (Mid-Atlantic), Pimento Cheese (Southeast), Cajun Spice (Gulf Coast) Chile Con Queso (Southwest), Deep Dish Pizza (mid-America), Fried Pickles (Midwest), Thai Sweet Chile (Pacific Northwest) and, why we're all here today – New England Lobster Roll.

When I first saw this, I was skeptical. I might have even made a PFFFFFT sound knowing full well not even the most skilled potato chip maker could pull off this flavor. And definitely not without it tasting like the Portland waterfront smells on a 95-degree day. And honestly, I wasn't keen on putting that flavor in my mouth.

But you know the story... one friend buys a bag, then another friend buys a bag and the next thing that happens is you've been peer pressured into buying a bag and trying them. But it's a friggin chip and I knew it wasn't going to kill me to give it a go. So I ate the whole bag... for the good of the blog!

Once I actually had this bag of chips in my hands, I couldn't wait to stuff a whole handful in my mouth. I'm not going to lie... I'm not the most graceful chip eater. I love chips so much, I can't eat them fast enough. I wanted to bust open the bag in the car on the way home from the store, but surprisingly, I showed a little restraint and waited...

I know the suspense is killing you so I'll just come out and say it: THESE CHIPS TASTED ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE A LOBSTER ROLL. There wasn't so much as even the essence of lobster. It was almost as if the taste testers of these chips had never even been in the same area code as a lobster. When I perused the ingredients of this product, nowhere did I see the mention of lobster in any form... but one ingredient listed was called New England Lobster Roll seasoning. Huh? I call bullshit. Lay's threw some spices together and voila – let's give it a fancy name!

Here's where you're probably thinking I hated these chips with a passion. Nothing is farther from the truth. While the chips tasted as far from a lobster roll as humanly possible, they were very tasty. I detected the base chip to be sour cream and onion which is generally not my favorite Lay's flavor but the seasoning boosted them to a different level. And the "seasoning"? Definitely NOT lobster roll flavored, but familiar. My guess is they just took the same flavor from the Chesapeake Bay Crab Spice and threw it on these chips. HELLOOOOOOO... have you ever heard of Old Bay??

I'd eat another bag in a heartbeat if they were still available in the stores. I would just imagine they were called something other than New England Lobster Roll... because that is a LIE!

Harpswell Neck Lobster Roll: Estes Lobster House

Harpswell, Maine is one of those towns I just love to explore but don't get there enough. Seems that whenever we find ourselves up that way, we always hang a left and head to Orrs Island – pulled by the promises of great food (especially the lobster rolls) and amazing desserts at Morse's Cribstone Grill.

So this one Saturday, my lobster roll hunting co-pilot for the day suggested we explore some of the hidden gems of Harpswell – and who am I to turn down that kind of adventure? I would love to tell you all about those hidden gems, but then the secret would be out and, well, if you don't know about them already then you'll just have to use your imagination. But you know... exploring off-the-beaten-path beaches really works up an appetite!

Estes Lobster House is a place I've probably passed a dozen times in various trips to this part of the state but never stopped. It's literally on a strip of Harpswell Neck Road that might be 100 feet from water on one side to water on the other side. It's a great location with a spectacular view and it's been around since 1947! The restaurant is situated so that if you're sitting outside on the patio in the evening, you'll (hopefully) be treated to a stunning sunset.

Estes has been on my mental list of places to try a lobster roll so I figured, hell, I'm already here... let's give it a shot. The menu describes their offering... Fresh Lobster Roll - Hand-picked lobster meat lightly mixed with mayo on a toasted oversized roll.
(Comes with fries OR coleslaw) $20.99

The first red flag was "toasted oversized roll." This scared me just a tiny bit because, to me, that phrase just screams "brioche!" And just because I had ONE good experience with the brioche style roll, I'm not all in (or even really partially in) on these doughy monsters. Strike one... this thing was so bready and giant, I wanted to cry. Just look at the picture and tell me you don't think that is just waaaay too much bread.

Ok... next step... let's see how the lobster tastes. It was lightly dressed with mayo so that's nice and the lobster tasted pretty good. Unfortunately, there just wasn't enough of it to overtake the bread. And as I got to the end, there were some pieces of my lobster that tasted a slightly slimy which made me gag just a little. Maybe that was a result of the heavy ratio of claw meat in the roll? I dunno... it was weird.  The coleslaw was great though...

A part of me wants to go back to Estes to try some fried seafood or something else on their menu. It's such a cool spot and the place is like a complete throwback inside... something tells me that they need another chance to impress me. So don't shun it just because the lobster roll wasn't great!

The Other Wiscasset Lobster Roll: Sprague's Lobster

One Friday last summer, I made the decision to finally try Red's Eats in Wiscasset, ME. As promised by basically everyone, it was delicious – a ridiculous lobster roll with an obscene amount of lobster meat. But it was also a pain in the ass. The line was enormous, even getting there a 1/2 hour before they opened, and we waited over an hour for that tasty little morsel. So your feelings are definitely conflicted – am I blissfully happy because the lobster roll is just THAT GOOD... or am I bitterly annoyed that it took THAT LONG?!

Several people asked if I had ever been to Sprague's Lobster directly across the street. Huh? There's another lobster roll joint across the street? I mean I probably passed it a hundred times but never really knew anything about it. So this summer, Sprague's gets its turn and I was anxious to see how they compared to their greedy neighbors across Route 1.

It was an overcast Saturday and when we arrived in Wiscasset, it was the same ol' shit. A crawling line of traffic slowly snaking its way down Route 1 through the quaint downtown area. When we finally made it to our destination, Red's had a line that looked to be a good hour and a half to two hours long... and I was able to find a parking spot in Sprague's small lot so things were looking pretty good.

The line at Sprague's was maybe three people. Perfect. The expansive dock was a welcome spot with a view of the Sheepscot River, a plethora of picnic tables and even a few retailers peddling some crafty wares. You place your order at the little shack and they call your number... like any normal seafood takeout spot. And their menu is rather extensive with several non-seafood options in addition to anything from lobster and crab rolls to full-on lobster dinners.

So naturally, I ordered a lobster roll. (I mean, that would be pretty funny if I spent all this time writing a blog post and just ordered a hamburger.) The sign was simple - Lobster Roll - $21.99 - no other information. (Be warned, this place is cash-only but they do have an ATM right there.)

Now for the good stuff. Upon first inspection, the lobster roll appeared to be top notch. The traditional hot dog bun was nicely toasted and there was a substantial amount of naked lobster meat... I love a place that has the confidence to serve their lobster with no dressing. The roll tasted fresh and delicious but there were a few pieces of tail meat that were just a tad chewier than I prefer. And the pieces were big so the fact that you have to try and bite the tail meat in half will often highlight it's chewiness. But it definitely didn't ruin my day because in the end, it was still pretty damn tasty.

Overall, I thought it was a great spot - so much less stressful than Red's. The nice girl at the take-out window also told us it was ok if we brought our cooler of beer to have with our lobster rolls. These places will always get high praise because who doesn't love a BYOB establishment. She just suggested we go to the hidden picnic tables (which honestly were the best because they were right on the river side of the dock.)